Today my thoughts turn to what it means to be a single woman living in community here at Betel of America. Interesting ... to say the least ... though there are more apt words to describe my experience.
For starters, "supporter" comes to mind. My role here as the Administrative Intern keeps me quite often playing catch up with crucial, but always very behind-the-scenes, work. Normally, I spend hours --- from 9 am to 6 pm to be specific --- in the small office just below my apartment. My time is usually spent on the computer doing online reports, responding to emails, or inputting financial records from the Betel stores and/or various accounts. I also do a bit of filing, answering phones, copying, scanning, and general cleaning. While I am good at these things, it repeatedly leaves me feeling isolated and lonely, something this high extrovert, high people person doesn't enjoy feeling. Yet, in those moments, I press on realizing that my support role is necessary (no one else is here to do the work I do) and that it is in part why I was called to this community for a time.
For better or worse, sometimes my interactions with the men here become confusing for them. They apologize for certain words they say in my presence. Personally, no apology is needed, though I do deeply appreciate the concern. I think too that who I am in particular as a women makes it awkward or confusing for them because I carry myself a certain way in my demeanor and interactions with them, a bit of boundaries if you will. Yet, I am quite cognizant that for many of the males here that women have been a source of brokenness, anger, bitterness, or rejection. In part, though I need much wisdom to fulfill this part of my role here, I am to be a positive source of male-female interaction, offering healing, love, understanding, and patience.
There are 20 men more or less here in the community at any given time. More than anything I know that I am to be a woman of prayer here who loves well. I need to listen and then take the things they say to God. My time at Betel is teaching me one thing perhaps more than ever ... that is to let go of control and simply have deeper faith. Where can that best be seen but in praying and trusting God to take care of my needs and the needs of the lovely men here? I am not finished learning this lesson nor am I perfect at it; yet, I love living the moments where I let go and see the men here take care of me and see God be faithful to us all.
4/5/11
Devo for Life
This morning I went down to hear Gilbert speak at Devotion. He spoke from
Matthew 13:33 and made three points. Point #1 - Little changes can have big impacts in our lives, possibly completely life changing. Point #2 - If we don't have Jesus in our lives, we are missing the most important ingredient in our lives. Point # 3 - Without Jesus in our lives, we can't/won't see the changes we need in our lives. He finished quickly and prayed for everyone ...
AND THEN, Justin got up and simply gave the most profound devo I've ever heard, one for me personally that will stick for my lifetime. Justin used the text of Daniel 3:13-27. This passage particularly resonated with me because often times (particularly in NYC), my life has been highly intense and left me feeling like God had placed me in the midst of a raging fire ... for my good and necessary refinement. Justin went on to share with such passionate conviction and depth of grace that God alone has us each here at Betel for a reason, for our good, out of great care/love for us. Like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, we have to trust in our help coming from God solely though He often uses humans practically in that help) and operate with the attitude that our "fiery" struggles are from God in love for good. Justin stressed that God is literally with us through these times just as he was with the three men above. Ultimately, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, came out of this struggle not even smelling like the flames' smoke and were a testimony to others in their willingness to let God work and fortitude.
After this, we had a time of silent prayer or Bible reading. I was led to Daniel 9. Daniel's prayer was decidedly moving and absolutely beautiful. I pray that I can be satiated with nothing but Abba and what he desires for me with a heart that is quick to repent.
Matthew 13:33 and made three points. Point #1 - Little changes can have big impacts in our lives, possibly completely life changing. Point #2 - If we don't have Jesus in our lives, we are missing the most important ingredient in our lives. Point # 3 - Without Jesus in our lives, we can't/won't see the changes we need in our lives. He finished quickly and prayed for everyone ...
AND THEN, Justin got up and simply gave the most profound devo I've ever heard, one for me personally that will stick for my lifetime. Justin used the text of Daniel 3:13-27. This passage particularly resonated with me because often times (particularly in NYC), my life has been highly intense and left me feeling like God had placed me in the midst of a raging fire ... for my good and necessary refinement. Justin went on to share with such passionate conviction and depth of grace that God alone has us each here at Betel for a reason, for our good, out of great care/love for us. Like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, we have to trust in our help coming from God solely though He often uses humans practically in that help) and operate with the attitude that our "fiery" struggles are from God in love for good. Justin stressed that God is literally with us through these times just as he was with the three men above. Ultimately, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, came out of this struggle not even smelling like the flames' smoke and were a testimony to others in their willingness to let God work and fortitude.
After this, we had a time of silent prayer or Bible reading. I was led to Daniel 9. Daniel's prayer was decidedly moving and absolutely beautiful. I pray that I can be satiated with nothing but Abba and what he desires for me with a heart that is quick to repent.
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