Hello everyone!
I probably won't get another chance to write you until some time in January as all of the holidays fall on Saturdays (the day of the week I get off occasionally) this year. As a whole, I'm doing well and noticing some positive changes and spiritual growth in me. I know I don't understand everything, but I do know the women really love me here and see Christ in me. (They've told me and asked if I could stay longer.) Yay, for Valencia, right? Also, if you'd like to call me for the Christmas or New Year's holidays, you can on either Saturday or Sunday. We don't have internet at the house or stores I work in, and we'll all be in the house for the holidays, so phoning will be the best way to reach me those days. The number is (0034) 961 480 226. When it's noon in New York, it's 6 pm here. Love you all very, VERY much! Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, and Happy New Year's to you all!!!
Also, after many unsuccessful attempts over the weekend to purchase my flight from Spain to the UK, I was able to buy my ticket today! WOOT! I still have to buy a bus ticket from London to Birmingham, but if need be, that can be purchased upon arrival. Please, please do continue to be praying for my entry into the UK to be smooth as others coming to serve Betel have had problems or been denied entry upon arrival. I arrive Jan. 19th. Please lift up my transition from Spanish culture to British culture as well as they are very different cultures comparatively. Off to work in a bit. Hugs to you all. More stories of my time here yet to come!
12/15/11
12/9/11
IMPORTANT - Prayer Requests
Dear friends and family,
It’s been nearly two weeks since I’ve been able to use my my computer and the internet for various reasons including a change in the daily routine here and a week of holidays. As such, unfortunately that means that going forward I won’t get to use my computer as much as I was before. Still writing everything that happens down in my journal and am sorry that (for now) I’m not able to share more since my time and computer use are always limited.
Could you all please pray for the following for me? They are very important. Thanks for lifting me up before our Father. Know too that other than a huge lack of communication here, things continue to be more or less wonderful here!
All my love,
Amanda Kay
It’s been nearly two weeks since I’ve been able to use my my computer and the internet for various reasons including a change in the daily routine here and a week of holidays. As such, unfortunately that means that going forward I won’t get to use my computer as much as I was before. Still writing everything that happens down in my journal and am sorry that (for now) I’m not able to share more since my time and computer use are always limited.
Could you all please pray for the following for me? They are very important. Thanks for lifting me up before our Father. Know too that other than a huge lack of communication here, things continue to be more or less wonderful here!
- Arranging travel - I have another day off on Saturday and will be spending the first part of my day searching for (air or train) tickets online for my trip to the UK and if there’s time for my trip back to the US scheduled for mid April. Please pray for the process to go smoothly as I’d prefer this task to not be frustrating or time consuming.
- Upcoming holidays - I hate loud noises and chaos. I get cranky if I eat late. Yet, I’ve been told that those qualities more or less sum up both the Spanish version of Christmas and New Year’s Eve. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE be praying for me to have an abundance of God’s grace, peace, and light during this time as I don’t want to react in my flesh.
- My return to Madrid - I will be back in Madrid from Jan 16-19 for debriefing, sightseeing, and evangelism in The Vertedero (massive garbage dump and drug haven). I’m not sure what day exactly I will be in The Vertedero, but this is probably a time that’s going to break my heart and is a dangerous location for me to venture into. I want this experience, but please pray especially for this venture, specifically for my safety (and that of the others on the team) and for God’s love to be like a fragrant perfume upon us drawing many to His love.
- Becoming fluent in Spanish - More or less, I’m understanding what’s being said to me though it may have to be repeated if spoken quickly. I know I understand more Spanish and can respond more quickly as well now. I’m not fluent though. Pray for my Spanish to continue to improve and for me to become fluent if not now then in the future.
All my love,
Amanda Kay
11/29/11
So, what's it like here?
As time is always limited here, I'm going to summarize what's been happening in Spain. To the left is a picture of all the women in Valéncia who've been an active part of my life for the past month. Please keep them in your prayers. They are L-R beginning at the bottom: Raquel, Noemí, Moises, Ana Maria, Lucia, Anna, Bárbara, Ivana (bottom row), Hugo, Sonia, Marta, Noemí (standing/second row), Alejandra, Diyana (top row). I really love these women and am in awe of how quickly they have become family to me! I will be with them until mid January.Life in Spain here is very relational! The women are almost always very talkative or social and nearly always moving or singing. They talk with their whole hands and body. Personal space is basically a non-existent concept here. All of this transfers into worship here. It's active to say the least and comes from the core of these women's hearts.
As for work here, our only day off is on Sunday, but we don't get much down time then. We have jobs in the house cleaning daily. When we work at home, we are cleaning clothes or tidying the entire house. If we work outside the house, it's either in Burjassot (a nearby town) in a "rastro" which is a thrift store selling clothes or organizing/boxing them upstairs or it's selling new clothes, jewelery, and shoes in the outlet store (the "tienda") here in Valéncia. Sometimes we take the trains into the city while other days the guys in Betel drive us to our jobs. Because this Betel center is a bit smaller than others, we get some interaction with the men of Betel; that wouldn't have been possible if I'd have stayed in Madrid.
Thank you for praying for this adventure and time of ministry. As a whole, I do enjoy it here. I pray that God will open doors for me to return to NYC after this season of ministry ends. Please keep that in your prayers for me as well. Well, I can hear the foot steps of the women awakening from their siestas which means I need to go shortly back to Burjassot. Hope to hear from yall soon! Much love and hugs from Spain!
11/14/11
REALLY good news!!!
Well, I didn't expect to have this opportunity and was afraid to even try, but this morning I was able to go with Rosemary (the British missionary) to a computer store to have my laptop checked out. I was afraid of even using it here because the voltage is different and on my first day in Spain I plugged in my battery charger for my camera and killer the charger within about 10 seconds! God is good though, and all is well with my computer ... which means ... I'm able to freely use the wifi in the space where we eat lunch when working outside the house. I can't tell you how delighted I feel to not be so isolated from the outside world! I have to go work in the store in about 10 minutes, so that's all the time I have for now.
PS: I know some of you must have been praying yesterday for me because I had the best interactions with the Valencia women and understood them more than I ever have! I am very grateful for your prayers and improved communication with them! Adios amigos.
PS: I know some of you must have been praying yesterday for me because I had the best interactions with the Valencia women and understood them more than I ever have! I am very grateful for your prayers and improved communication with them! Adios amigos.
11/13/11
Update from Valencia
Hello world! It´s me again. I´m sitting in an internet cafe now with limited time. This could possibly be my only time to use the computer and internet until another week passes. This is the first time since coming here that I´ve gotten to more or less even see a computer. So, in the interest of my limited time, I´m going to keep this short. Know that eventually, somehow some way I will get to publish each day´s journal entries. I´ve been able to capture each day in Spain on paper. Woot!
So, I´ve been in Valencia for a week as of today, three weeks in Spain total now with lots of work each day. The culture here is still something I am adjusting too along with the difference of language. I understand for the most part, but being able to spit back Spanish rapidly, on the spot is not where I´m at language-wise, but I knew that´d be the case. I had the opportunity to stay in Madrid and chose to come here to push myself with my Spanish. It´s going to pay off in the long run. I ask you to keep both the adjustment to a difference of language and culture in your prayers for me. To be honest, there´s so much I find annoying about Spanish culture. Yet, I´m called to be here and want to be as present as possible especially with the women.
Speaking of the women, I´m one of nine in my current house. There are also four kids ranging in age from five months to eight years old. I share a room with the baby and five other women. I think being here and serving here is honestly probably the hardest thing I´ve ever done in my life! Spanish culture in general is loud, VERY loud, with hardly a moment of quiet. Because I continue to feel bombarded by something or another I find myself retreating inwardly, listening rather than talking, and trying to just capture a moment of silence even if it´s in the bathroom or on our house´s roof. I don´t think that´s particularly good, but I don´t quite know how to cope as of yet. It´s like being burned to the third degree and being shoved into a hot, salty sea with no refuge.
Unfortunately, I´m going to have to go now. Please keep up those prayers. Send letters when you can. Christy, thanks for being the first to send one my way!!! It meant the world to me.
So, I´ve been in Valencia for a week as of today, three weeks in Spain total now with lots of work each day. The culture here is still something I am adjusting too along with the difference of language. I understand for the most part, but being able to spit back Spanish rapidly, on the spot is not where I´m at language-wise, but I knew that´d be the case. I had the opportunity to stay in Madrid and chose to come here to push myself with my Spanish. It´s going to pay off in the long run. I ask you to keep both the adjustment to a difference of language and culture in your prayers for me. To be honest, there´s so much I find annoying about Spanish culture. Yet, I´m called to be here and want to be as present as possible especially with the women.
Speaking of the women, I´m one of nine in my current house. There are also four kids ranging in age from five months to eight years old. I share a room with the baby and five other women. I think being here and serving here is honestly probably the hardest thing I´ve ever done in my life! Spanish culture in general is loud, VERY loud, with hardly a moment of quiet. Because I continue to feel bombarded by something or another I find myself retreating inwardly, listening rather than talking, and trying to just capture a moment of silence even if it´s in the bathroom or on our house´s roof. I don´t think that´s particularly good, but I don´t quite know how to cope as of yet. It´s like being burned to the third degree and being shoved into a hot, salty sea with no refuge.
Unfortunately, I´m going to have to go now. Please keep up those prayers. Send letters when you can. Christy, thanks for being the first to send one my way!!! It meant the world to me.
11/4/11
:(
Please pray for me. Today has been super frustrating, and to be quite real, I think it is safe to say that I´ll have more days like this while in Spain. This morning I cleaned a visitor´s apartment with two other women while a group of men did interior restoration. We were all crammed in a little space (at times with as many as like 15 people in the space), trying to get much work done, and (later I found out) were on a strict time limit of having everything done by 3 pm. There was so much miscommunication because of different cultures having different ways of doing things. Others thought I didn´t understand Spanish though I did which translated into my jobs constantly being taken away. And, there was a lack of tolerance and respect (again because of miscommunication and cultural differences). I broke down and cried several times this morning which didn´t add to the situations positively. It is what it is though.
In addition to the above, things with my visa to the UK have been up in the air until moments ago. For various reasons, there was miscommunication about me coming here to Spain and how long I´d be here which translated into problems with timing for my visa for the next part of the journey. It´s all a long story. At times this morning, it looked like I may even be going to Barcelona instead of Valencia. There is now clarity about all that. I leave for Valencia on Sunday, and regarding the UK, I will only be staying three months rather than a possible six months. Perhaps at some point I´ll get to return to Europe as my heart now desires that (though currently outside of Betel).
Thank you for your prayers! You have no idea how much they mean to me whether you let me know you´re praying or not for me. I need them and truly appreciate them. May God grant me much more peace in this very humbling, hard-working journey among deeply broken women. May His face shine upon me as I serve faithfully with love in Spain and elsewhere. Adios for now.
10/31/11
My address in Spain
Hello everyone,
First time I´ve been able to use the computer again since my initial arrival email. I REALLY, REALLY miss yall more than I can express now as my lack of communication access has me feeling terribly isolated. Assume that I will not get to reply to any facebook messages or emails that you send my way for a very long time. Please send them, but please be very patient with me. I will be moving to Valencia some time between Wednesday and Sunday. My address for my new home is below for you to write me as it is the best form of communication for now. Please allow 2-3 weeks for your mail to make it to me. Would be more than grateful for any communication you send and/or any packages! Also, if you want to call me in Valencia, call on the weekends only as it´s the only time I can receive calls. I´m 6 hours ahead of you in EST or 7 hours ahead in CST. The number is (0034) 961 480 226. PLEASE do keep me in your prayers because it´s definitely difficult for me here though I do enjoy Spain.
Love you all more than words can express now,
Amanda Johnson
Betel Valencia
C/ Juan Fabregat no 3 Bajo
CP 46007, Valencia
España (Spain)
First time I´ve been able to use the computer again since my initial arrival email. I REALLY, REALLY miss yall more than I can express now as my lack of communication access has me feeling terribly isolated. Assume that I will not get to reply to any facebook messages or emails that you send my way for a very long time. Please send them, but please be very patient with me. I will be moving to Valencia some time between Wednesday and Sunday. My address for my new home is below for you to write me as it is the best form of communication for now. Please allow 2-3 weeks for your mail to make it to me. Would be more than grateful for any communication you send and/or any packages! Also, if you want to call me in Valencia, call on the weekends only as it´s the only time I can receive calls. I´m 6 hours ahead of you in EST or 7 hours ahead in CST. The number is (0034) 961 480 226. PLEASE do keep me in your prayers because it´s definitely difficult for me here though I do enjoy Spain.
Love you all more than words can express now,
Amanda Johnson
Betel Valencia
C/ Juan Fabregat no 3 Bajo
CP 46007, Valencia
España (Spain)
10/24/11
Hello from Spain
Hello everyone,
I´ve arrived in Madrid, Spain safely. Some probs with my flights but a very smooth and quick entry into Spain and pick up from the airport. It is really very nice to be here as it´s such a lovely place with warm, welcoming people. I´m not sure where I may be headed exactly after this week. Still under the impression that I will be going to Valencia, to the southeast of Madrid on the coast of the Mediterranean Sea. I think I will really enjoy it there if that is indeed where I end up.
I will be in touch as I can for sure. Please be patient as I likely will not have much of a chance to email or blog, but when I can, I will respond/write. I´ve already started my European journal to keep my thoughts and stories of my journey from being lost and will eventually post them. I miss you all and send you my love. Look forward to hearing from you as you can each write back. Please keep me in your prayers.
Well, I will go. We will have lunch here soon.
I´ve arrived in Madrid, Spain safely. Some probs with my flights but a very smooth and quick entry into Spain and pick up from the airport. It is really very nice to be here as it´s such a lovely place with warm, welcoming people. I´m not sure where I may be headed exactly after this week. Still under the impression that I will be going to Valencia, to the southeast of Madrid on the coast of the Mediterranean Sea. I think I will really enjoy it there if that is indeed where I end up.
I will be in touch as I can for sure. Please be patient as I likely will not have much of a chance to email or blog, but when I can, I will respond/write. I´ve already started my European journal to keep my thoughts and stories of my journey from being lost and will eventually post them. I miss you all and send you my love. Look forward to hearing from you as you can each write back. Please keep me in your prayers.
Well, I will go. We will have lunch here soon.
10/3/11
A BIG Thank YOU!!!
This upcoming journey to serve Betel International in Spain and England could not be possible without the tangible, financial, emotional, verbal, medical, and prayer support of so many folks! I am EXTREMELY grateful for all of this support and amazed by God's goodness to provide for this trip through so many people in so many ways. Here's a BIG THANK YOU to everyone who's provided, somehow some way —
- Naomi & David Tepper
- Lori & Rohan Anderson
- Sue Erickson
- Larry & Sarah Howell
- Alicia Hansen
- David & Patty Melvin
- Janell Gushlaw
- Greg & Emily DuBois
- Jessica Joy & Joe Stewart
- Steve & Abby Hoppe
- Kyle & Emily Gnagey
- Karen Chien
- John & Melissa Gibson
- New York City Relief (The Relief Bus)
- Lori Schlabach
- Liz Allbright
- Jenny McMeans
- Erin Conroy
- Lea-Ann Jones
- Mike Downey
- Mike McCullen
- Gavin Burnage
- Tanya & Alf Bishai
- Erika Spengler
- Dina Lucchesi
- Christy Merry
- Anthony Misuraca
- Amelia Charles
- Symphony Davis
- Oona Goodman
- Johnny Gall
- Hector (Mauricio) Toro
- Stephanie Urizar
- Renée Chan
- Jason Williams
- Brianne Baier
- HaQuyen Pham
- Flora Hsu
- Jie Feng
- Mary Elliott
- Jerrold Jackson
- Shay Grabowski
- Clifton M.
- Natalie Lippa
- Graig Stanton
- Silk Kaya
- Alex Hong
- Matt Newman
- Katrina Monta
- Betel of America
- Josh Staton
- Robert Foerster of J. S. Hoagland Optometry
- The Kress Vision Program
- An Anonymous Dentist
- William Matthews
- Project Renewal
- The Bowery Mission
- Active Compassion Transforms (ACT)
- Midtown East Missional Community of Trinity Grace Church
- Sonjia & Calvin Brownhill
- Cali & Nourah Holt
- Dr. Ken Johnson & Donna Johnson Shimunek
- Chanel Graham
- Anonymous prayer supporters
8/29/11
About My Betel Europe Missions Trip
Since Jan. 1st, I've been the Administrative Intern for Betel of America, a Christian ministry which has helped hundreds of men become free of alcoholism, drug addictions, and homelessness. In May, I was asked by my boss if I'd like to continue serving Betel (but in a new role) in Spain in a women's residence for three months. Then, I was given the news that I could also serve in England for three months, again in a women's residence.So, I'm Europe bound to daily show love to very broken, hurting women. I will live in community with them and care for them in tangible ways: cooking, cleaning, working alongside them in the community, and helping nurture them spiritually as God allows and as friendships naturally grow. Just as in NYC, my main priorities will be showing God's compassionate love and praying for the women and local community. I look forward to serving the women in Spain and England from October 2011 to March 2012! Thanks for your help to finance this missions trip!
God’s love transforms lives!
I’d like to share a quick story of how God’s love and my time in Betel have changed a life. Before coming to Betel, Justin was homeless and an alcoholic for 10+ years. Justin became a Christian while in Betel of Britain after experiencing the kindness of others there. He came to NY still very broken by women and very closed off to others. After some time, he became a leader here. When I came, we gradually became friends as he learned that he could rely on me to help him rather than hurt him. He asked for my help with tasks on several occasions and recognized my sincere friendship and care of him. When he left to live in Kansas this June, he shared with me that he was very grateful for all of my help and our depth of friendship!
My Day In Betel:
While I live with the women, my day will be highly structured and include these tasks:
- Cleaning and cooking for the 10-30 female residents
- Promoting betel with flyers and calendars
- Working in local shops and offices that support Betel
- Caring for children
The Betel Women:
The women who’ve come into the Betel program are in need of love and positive support. They typically have pasts that include:
- Abuse or rape
- Prostitution
- Broken relationships with family members and males
- Life in gangs
- Gypsy life (Spain)
- Homelessness
My Betel Budget:
I am in need of your help to finance this missions trip to Europe. For your consideration, if you choose to give financially here’s what your money will be used to purchase:
- Round trip flights = $1500
- Winter clothes (for Spain) = $150
- Hygiene/personal items = $200
- Int’l Driver’s Permit (must for Spain) = $30
- Total remaining needs = $1880
How You Can Help:
- Pray for my time of ministry abroad. May god’s love be abundantly seen!
- Contribute by 9/14/11 online by clicking on the Donate button on this blog's homepage (top LEFT corner)
- Contribute by 9/14/11 with a check or money order (made out to myself) to: Amanda Johnson, C/O Betel of America, 26-02 4th Street, Astoria, NY, 11102-4126
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR GIFTS!!!
8/4/11
Give God Your Best Because of Love (Devotional)
This morning I gave the devotional for the community. What follows is what I shared.
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Whether or not you even believe in God, what I have to share is very practical. I want to share just a little bit about giving our best. For those of us that are living to follow Jesus each day, that means giving God our best. One way of looking at it means that from mopping the floor to brushing your teeth, you do those things to glory of God or to praise God. In the Bible, it talks about this in three places -
Colossians 3:17 - And whatever you do [no matter what it is] in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus and in [dependence upon] His Person, giving praise to God the Father through Him.
Colosenses 3:17 - Y todo lo que hacéis, sea de palabra o de hecho, hacedlo todo en el nombre del Señor Jesús, dando gracias a Dios Padre por medio de él.
Colossians 3:22-25 (The Message) - Servants, do what you're told by your earthly masters. And don't just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you'll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you're serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn't cover up bad work.
Colosenses 3:22-25 - Esclavos, obedeced en todo a vuestros amos terrenales, no sirviendo al ojo, como los que quieren agradar a los hombres, sino con corazón sincero, temiendo a Dios. Y todo lo que hagáis, hacedlo de corazón, como para el Señor y no para los hombres, sabiendo que del Señor recibiréis la recompensa de la herencia, porque a Cristo el Señor servís. Pero el que actúa con injusticia recibirá la injusticia que haya cometido, porque no hay acepción de personas.
I Corinthians 10:31 - So then, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you may do, do all for the honor and glory of God.
1 Corintios 10:31 - Si, pues, coméis o bebéis o hacéis otra cosa, hacedlo todo para la gloria de Dios.
Some days are going to be difficult to live this out. There are many reasons why it may be hard. Perhaps we are being attacked in those moments by our spiritual enemy Satan and his forces. Maybe we are simply being proud. Then again, our difficulties may arise because God wants to teach us flexibility and change/grow us. Our minds should be shifted to upward, positive thoughts.
Colossians 3:1 - IF THEN you have been raised with Christ [to a new life, thus sharing His resurrection from the dead], aim at and seek the [rich, eternal treasures] that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.
Colosenses 3:1 - Si, pues, habéis resucitado con Cristo, buscad las cosas de arriba, donde está Cristo sentado a la diestra de Dios.
There have been many difficulties in my life, and there have been days when I prayed to God to help me "make it through" the day. A few years ago, I realized how lousy a prayer this actually was. I changed when I realized that, and I started asking God to help me "really live" today. Really living, to me, means embracing God's plans for me even if they are difficult, giving my best, to seek Christ's strength and riches in my day as it says in Colossians 3.
The practical part is this, not just letting the day pass you by, but taking time today, right now, to prayerfully examine how you've been doing. Have you been giving God your best? Simply, what one area do you need him to help you in to "really live"? Maybe you're honestly giving your best in everything. If that is so, still take time to reflect because only a fool says there is no room for improvement in their lives. Pray and ask God to reveal to you your weaknesses. Write down what it is you need improvement in or how you need to change to really give God your best ... AND DO IT. Begin if you can this week.
God, we lift up these weaknesses to you. We ask that you help us to humbly improve. Help us to give You our best out of love. For those in this room that couldn't think of anything to write down, I ask that you speak to them and show them areas that they can improve in their lives, not to become better people, but for Your glory. Help us to know Your love and to abide in it today. Let us be mindful of it and work towards improving all throughout our day. We love you. Amen.
6/19/11
I preached!
Today I had the absolute honor of preaching before the men of Betel and anyone from the community who came. It was simply ourselves and Anthony who comes regularly to our church services. The following is as close to a transcription of what I shared as my sermon notes were skeletal to allow God to speak. I can say that God absolutely used these words to speak into the deeper parts of many men as four have come up to me to say so in some manner. Praise the awesome God we serve!
Good morning everyone. It is a complete honor to preach this morning. Like I shared on Friday, I had a pretty good week. Then situations happened on Friday, and I got a real reality check, a wake up call. I am still processing everything. This morning, I come to you as a fighter. I care about you and want the best for each of you, but ultimately you are grown men, and YOU have to decide for yourselves whether you will fight or not. The reality is that we are all in an unseen battle. It is happening around us. No matter what you choose, I am determined to fight in this invisible battle against the enemy Satan who is real and wishes to steal, to destroy, and to rob.
Opening Prayer. Beloved God and Creator, I thank you for the honor to share this morning. I pray that you will push out any distractions that anyone here may have. I pray that we will make space in our minds and hearts for You to speak. I pray that we will listen to You. Open our ears, our minds, our hearts, our spirits to hear You. God, I ask that You will protect this space and time from the Enemy. I pray that by your blood we will be protected from anything that Satan would want to steal, kill, or destroy during this time. We love You. In the name of Jesus, Amen.
So, as I said earlier, I come to you as a fighter this morning. There is a fighter, one of the greatest fighters of all time, who was a heavyweight champion multiple times. You may know him. His name is Muhammad Ali. He said this, "I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion'."
This week, in England, one of the greatest sporting events begins, Wimbledon. There's a top tennis player who'll be competing. She's the No. 3 Women’s Singles tennis player. Her name is Vera Zvonareva. She was asked recently what's the difference between the top 100 players and the top 10 players, and she said this, “It’s about learning how to bring the best out of yourself even if you’re not having a good day and about [being] able to win those matches even if you’re not playing good. You have to work probably ... and always be thinking how you want to beat your opponent.”
Our enemy is Satan, no matter what our issues are. And, we ALL have our issues. As such, I offer to you the only source of true victory ... Jesus. These stories in the Bible encourage me and help keep me on track as I look to Jesus to be my complete source of victory, my total source of fulfillment, my EVERYTHING.
I want to look at two passages in John. The first is in John 4:4-14.
He had to go through Samaria on the way. Eventually he came to the Samaritan village of Sychar, near the field that Jacob gave to his son Joseph. Jacob’s well was there; and Jesus, tired from the long walk, sat wearily beside the well about noontime. Soon a Samaritan woman came to draw water, and Jesus said to her, “Please give me a drink.” He was alone at the time because his disciples had gone into the village to buy some food.
These words aren't just for you. I need to hear these words too as I am learning now how to be completely filled and satisfied with just Jesus. It's a process I'm in right now, and it's difficult for me to learn, but I'm committed to not going around and around in a revolving door any more and to break through this wall of something I've been pretty bad at for a while. The woman's reaction is really powerful to me. She goes back to the town and starts sharing with others. Let's look at this at the end of the chapter in verses 39 to 42.
John 4:39-42. Many Samaritans from the village believed in Jesus because the woman had said, “He told me everything I ever did!” When they came out to see him, they begged him to stay in their village. So he stayed for two days, long enough for many more to hear his message and believe. Then they said to the woman, “Now we believe, not just because of what you told us, but because we have heard him ourselves. Now we know that he is indeed the Savior of the world.”
We need this river of living water springing up in us. It will change us like it changed this woman and the people she told. It is victory for us, but we also need life. We all have a problem with sin, the wrong things we do against God. We are dead spiritually because of sin. But Jesus will give us new life. Let's look now at a long passage, John 11:1-45.
A man named Lazarus was sick. He lived in Bethany with his sisters, Mary and Martha. This is the Mary who later poured the expensive perfume on the Lord’s feet and wiped them with her hair. Her brother, Lazarus, was sick. So the two sisters sent a message to Jesus telling him, “Lord, your dear friend is very sick.”
Jesus said that he is the only way to freedom and to life, that He is the way (John 14:6). If you're not sure of how you've gotten here or how the problems or issues that are in your life got there, I ask you to take some time and consider them this week. Think about the substitutes, the band aids, the distractions that keep you from being fully satisfied and coming to Him. Jesus wants to give you freedom and new life. He wants to give you the river of life that never stops flowing. He wants to completely satisfy you.
Closing Prayer. Jesus, I thank you that your Spirit is here. Fill us. Thank you that you bring good news to the poor. Thank you that you comfort the brokenhearted. Thank you that you set captives free, that you release prisoners. Jesus, thank you for comforting us when we morn. Thank you for your favor, that you give us beauty for ashes and joy instead of mourning. Thank you that you give us praise instead of despair.
Jesus, I thank you that you make us righteous and strong like oak trees. God, I thank you that you rebuild the ancient ruins, that you repair what was destroyed long ago. Thank you for making streams in the desert in the dry, craggy, hard places of our hearts. We love you God. We praise you God. In the name of Jesus, Amen.
-------------------------------------------------
Good morning everyone. It is a complete honor to preach this morning. Like I shared on Friday, I had a pretty good week. Then situations happened on Friday, and I got a real reality check, a wake up call. I am still processing everything. This morning, I come to you as a fighter. I care about you and want the best for each of you, but ultimately you are grown men, and YOU have to decide for yourselves whether you will fight or not. The reality is that we are all in an unseen battle. It is happening around us. No matter what you choose, I am determined to fight in this invisible battle against the enemy Satan who is real and wishes to steal, to destroy, and to rob.
Opening Prayer. Beloved God and Creator, I thank you for the honor to share this morning. I pray that you will push out any distractions that anyone here may have. I pray that we will make space in our minds and hearts for You to speak. I pray that we will listen to You. Open our ears, our minds, our hearts, our spirits to hear You. God, I ask that You will protect this space and time from the Enemy. I pray that by your blood we will be protected from anything that Satan would want to steal, kill, or destroy during this time. We love You. In the name of Jesus, Amen.
So, as I said earlier, I come to you as a fighter this morning. There is a fighter, one of the greatest fighters of all time, who was a heavyweight champion multiple times. You may know him. His name is Muhammad Ali. He said this, "I hated every minute of training, but I said, 'Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion'."
This week, in England, one of the greatest sporting events begins, Wimbledon. There's a top tennis player who'll be competing. She's the No. 3 Women’s Singles tennis player. Her name is Vera Zvonareva. She was asked recently what's the difference between the top 100 players and the top 10 players, and she said this, “It’s about learning how to bring the best out of yourself even if you’re not having a good day and about [being] able to win those matches even if you’re not playing good. You have to work probably ... and always be thinking how you want to beat your opponent.”
Our enemy is Satan, no matter what our issues are. And, we ALL have our issues. As such, I offer to you the only source of true victory ... Jesus. These stories in the Bible encourage me and help keep me on track as I look to Jesus to be my complete source of victory, my total source of fulfillment, my EVERYTHING.
I want to look at two passages in John. The first is in John 4:4-14.
He had to go through Samaria on the way. Eventually he came to the Samaritan village of Sychar, near the field that Jacob gave to his son Joseph. Jacob’s well was there; and Jesus, tired from the long walk, sat wearily beside the well about noontime. Soon a Samaritan woman came to draw water, and Jesus said to her, “Please give me a drink.” He was alone at the time because his disciples had gone into the village to buy some food.
The woman was surprised, for Jews refuse to have anything to do with Samaritans. She said to Jesus, “You are a Jew, and I am a Samaritan woman. Why are you asking me for a drink?” Jesus replied, “If you only knew the gift God has for you and who you are speaking to, you would ask me, and I would give you living water.”
“But sir, you don’t have a rope or a bucket,” she said, “and this well is very deep. Where would you get this living water? And besides, do you think you’re greater than our ancestor Jacob, who gave us this well? How can you offer better water than he and his sons and his animals enjoyed?” Jesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”
It is very clear that Jesus had to go through this town, that he made time and space for this woman. I'm not sure what you know of the culture during this time, but in this time the woman was an outcast. That's why she went when she did at that time for water. Jesus went for her. The truth is that only Jesus can truly refresh us and quench our thirst. He is the source of a river of life that COMPLETELY satisfies.These words aren't just for you. I need to hear these words too as I am learning now how to be completely filled and satisfied with just Jesus. It's a process I'm in right now, and it's difficult for me to learn, but I'm committed to not going around and around in a revolving door any more and to break through this wall of something I've been pretty bad at for a while. The woman's reaction is really powerful to me. She goes back to the town and starts sharing with others. Let's look at this at the end of the chapter in verses 39 to 42.
John 4:39-42. Many Samaritans from the village believed in Jesus because the woman had said, “He told me everything I ever did!” When they came out to see him, they begged him to stay in their village. So he stayed for two days, long enough for many more to hear his message and believe. Then they said to the woman, “Now we believe, not just because of what you told us, but because we have heard him ourselves. Now we know that he is indeed the Savior of the world.”
We need this river of living water springing up in us. It will change us like it changed this woman and the people she told. It is victory for us, but we also need life. We all have a problem with sin, the wrong things we do against God. We are dead spiritually because of sin. But Jesus will give us new life. Let's look now at a long passage, John 11:1-45.
A man named Lazarus was sick. He lived in Bethany with his sisters, Mary and Martha. This is the Mary who later poured the expensive perfume on the Lord’s feet and wiped them with her hair. Her brother, Lazarus, was sick. So the two sisters sent a message to Jesus telling him, “Lord, your dear friend is very sick.”
But when Jesus heard about it he said, “Lazarus’s sickness will not end in death. No, it happened for the glory of God so that the Son of God will receive glory from this.” So although Jesus loved Martha, Mary, and Lazarus, he stayed where he was for the next two days. Finally, he said to his disciples, “Let’s go back to Judea.”
But his disciples objected. “Rabbi,” they said, “only a few days ago the people in Judea were trying to stone you. Are you going there again?” Jesus replied, “There are twelve hours of daylight every day. During the day people can walk safely. They can see because they have the light of this world. But at night there is danger of stumbling because they have no light.” Then he said, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but now I will go and wake him up.”
The disciples said, “Lord, if he is sleeping, he will soon get better!” They thought Jesus meant Lazarus was simply sleeping, but Jesus meant Lazarus had died. So he told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead. And for your sakes, I’m glad I wasn’t there, for now you will really believe. Come, let’s go see him.” Thomas, nicknamed the Twin, said to his fellow disciples, “Let’s go, too—and die with Jesus.”
When Jesus arrived at Bethany, he was told that Lazarus had already been in his grave for four days. Bethany was only a few miles down the road from Jerusalem, and many of the people had come to console Martha and Mary in their loss. When Martha got word that Jesus was coming, she went to meet him. But Mary stayed in the house. Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that God will give you whatever you ask.”
Jesus told her, “Your brother will rise again.” “Yes,” Martha said, “he will rise when everyone else rises, at the last day.” Jesus told her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in me will live, even after dying. Everyone who lives in me and believes in me will never ever die. Do you believe this, Martha?” “Yes, Lord,” she told him. “I have always believed you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one who has come into the world from God.” Then she returned to Mary. She called Mary aside from the mourners and told her, “The Teacher is here and wants to see you.” So Mary immediately went to him.
Jesus had stayed outside the village, at the place where Martha met him. When the people who were at the house consoling Mary saw her leave so hastily, they assumed she was going to Lazarus’s grave to weep. So they followed her there. When Mary arrived and saw Jesus, she fell at his feet and said, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.” When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, he was deeply troubled. “Where have you put him?” he asked them.
They told him, “Lord, come and see.” Then Jesus wept. The people who were standing nearby said, “See how much he loved him!” But some said, “This man healed a blind man. Couldn’t he have kept Lazarus from dying?” Jesus was still deeply troubled as he arrived at the tomb, a cave with a stone rolled across its entrance. “Roll the stone aside,” Jesus told them.
But Martha, the dead man’s sister, protested, “Lord, he has been dead for four days. The smell will be terrible.” Jesus responded, “Didn’t I tell you that you would see God’s glory if you believe?” So they rolled the stone aside. Then Jesus looked up to heaven and said, “Father, thank you for hearing me. You always hear me, but I said it out loud for the sake of all these people standing here, so that they will believe you sent me.” Then Jesus shouted, “Lazarus, come out!” And the dead man came out, his hands and feet bound in graveclothes, his face wrapped in a headcloth. Jesus told them, “Unwrap him and let him go!” Many of the people who were with Mary believed in Jesus when they saw this happen.
Jesus said that he is the only way to freedom and to life, that He is the way (John 14:6). If you're not sure of how you've gotten here or how the problems or issues that are in your life got there, I ask you to take some time and consider them this week. Think about the substitutes, the band aids, the distractions that keep you from being fully satisfied and coming to Him. Jesus wants to give you freedom and new life. He wants to give you the river of life that never stops flowing. He wants to completely satisfy you.
Closing Prayer. Jesus, I thank you that your Spirit is here. Fill us. Thank you that you bring good news to the poor. Thank you that you comfort the brokenhearted. Thank you that you set captives free, that you release prisoners. Jesus, thank you for comforting us when we morn. Thank you for your favor, that you give us beauty for ashes and joy instead of mourning. Thank you that you give us praise instead of despair.
Jesus, I thank you that you make us righteous and strong like oak trees. God, I thank you that you rebuild the ancient ruins, that you repair what was destroyed long ago. Thank you for making streams in the desert in the dry, craggy, hard places of our hearts. We love you God. We praise you God. In the name of Jesus, Amen.
4/19/11
Reflection on being a woman in Betel
Today my thoughts turn to what it means to be a single woman living in community here at Betel of America. Interesting ... to say the least ... though there are more apt words to describe my experience.
For starters, "supporter" comes to mind. My role here as the Administrative Intern keeps me quite often playing catch up with crucial, but always very behind-the-scenes, work. Normally, I spend hours --- from 9 am to 6 pm to be specific --- in the small office just below my apartment. My time is usually spent on the computer doing online reports, responding to emails, or inputting financial records from the Betel stores and/or various accounts. I also do a bit of filing, answering phones, copying, scanning, and general cleaning. While I am good at these things, it repeatedly leaves me feeling isolated and lonely, something this high extrovert, high people person doesn't enjoy feeling. Yet, in those moments, I press on realizing that my support role is necessary (no one else is here to do the work I do) and that it is in part why I was called to this community for a time.
For better or worse, sometimes my interactions with the men here become confusing for them. They apologize for certain words they say in my presence. Personally, no apology is needed, though I do deeply appreciate the concern. I think too that who I am in particular as a women makes it awkward or confusing for them because I carry myself a certain way in my demeanor and interactions with them, a bit of boundaries if you will. Yet, I am quite cognizant that for many of the males here that women have been a source of brokenness, anger, bitterness, or rejection. In part, though I need much wisdom to fulfill this part of my role here, I am to be a positive source of male-female interaction, offering healing, love, understanding, and patience.
There are 20 men more or less here in the community at any given time. More than anything I know that I am to be a woman of prayer here who loves well. I need to listen and then take the things they say to God. My time at Betel is teaching me one thing perhaps more than ever ... that is to let go of control and simply have deeper faith. Where can that best be seen but in praying and trusting God to take care of my needs and the needs of the lovely men here? I am not finished learning this lesson nor am I perfect at it; yet, I love living the moments where I let go and see the men here take care of me and see God be faithful to us all.
For starters, "supporter" comes to mind. My role here as the Administrative Intern keeps me quite often playing catch up with crucial, but always very behind-the-scenes, work. Normally, I spend hours --- from 9 am to 6 pm to be specific --- in the small office just below my apartment. My time is usually spent on the computer doing online reports, responding to emails, or inputting financial records from the Betel stores and/or various accounts. I also do a bit of filing, answering phones, copying, scanning, and general cleaning. While I am good at these things, it repeatedly leaves me feeling isolated and lonely, something this high extrovert, high people person doesn't enjoy feeling. Yet, in those moments, I press on realizing that my support role is necessary (no one else is here to do the work I do) and that it is in part why I was called to this community for a time.
For better or worse, sometimes my interactions with the men here become confusing for them. They apologize for certain words they say in my presence. Personally, no apology is needed, though I do deeply appreciate the concern. I think too that who I am in particular as a women makes it awkward or confusing for them because I carry myself a certain way in my demeanor and interactions with them, a bit of boundaries if you will. Yet, I am quite cognizant that for many of the males here that women have been a source of brokenness, anger, bitterness, or rejection. In part, though I need much wisdom to fulfill this part of my role here, I am to be a positive source of male-female interaction, offering healing, love, understanding, and patience.
There are 20 men more or less here in the community at any given time. More than anything I know that I am to be a woman of prayer here who loves well. I need to listen and then take the things they say to God. My time at Betel is teaching me one thing perhaps more than ever ... that is to let go of control and simply have deeper faith. Where can that best be seen but in praying and trusting God to take care of my needs and the needs of the lovely men here? I am not finished learning this lesson nor am I perfect at it; yet, I love living the moments where I let go and see the men here take care of me and see God be faithful to us all.
4/5/11
Devo for Life
This morning I went down to hear Gilbert speak at Devotion. He spoke from
Matthew 13:33 and made three points. Point #1 - Little changes can have big impacts in our lives, possibly completely life changing. Point #2 - If we don't have Jesus in our lives, we are missing the most important ingredient in our lives. Point # 3 - Without Jesus in our lives, we can't/won't see the changes we need in our lives. He finished quickly and prayed for everyone ...
AND THEN, Justin got up and simply gave the most profound devo I've ever heard, one for me personally that will stick for my lifetime. Justin used the text of Daniel 3:13-27. This passage particularly resonated with me because often times (particularly in NYC), my life has been highly intense and left me feeling like God had placed me in the midst of a raging fire ... for my good and necessary refinement. Justin went on to share with such passionate conviction and depth of grace that God alone has us each here at Betel for a reason, for our good, out of great care/love for us. Like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, we have to trust in our help coming from God solely though He often uses humans practically in that help) and operate with the attitude that our "fiery" struggles are from God in love for good. Justin stressed that God is literally with us through these times just as he was with the three men above. Ultimately, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, came out of this struggle not even smelling like the flames' smoke and were a testimony to others in their willingness to let God work and fortitude.
After this, we had a time of silent prayer or Bible reading. I was led to Daniel 9. Daniel's prayer was decidedly moving and absolutely beautiful. I pray that I can be satiated with nothing but Abba and what he desires for me with a heart that is quick to repent.
Matthew 13:33 and made three points. Point #1 - Little changes can have big impacts in our lives, possibly completely life changing. Point #2 - If we don't have Jesus in our lives, we are missing the most important ingredient in our lives. Point # 3 - Without Jesus in our lives, we can't/won't see the changes we need in our lives. He finished quickly and prayed for everyone ...
AND THEN, Justin got up and simply gave the most profound devo I've ever heard, one for me personally that will stick for my lifetime. Justin used the text of Daniel 3:13-27. This passage particularly resonated with me because often times (particularly in NYC), my life has been highly intense and left me feeling like God had placed me in the midst of a raging fire ... for my good and necessary refinement. Justin went on to share with such passionate conviction and depth of grace that God alone has us each here at Betel for a reason, for our good, out of great care/love for us. Like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, we have to trust in our help coming from God solely though He often uses humans practically in that help) and operate with the attitude that our "fiery" struggles are from God in love for good. Justin stressed that God is literally with us through these times just as he was with the three men above. Ultimately, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, came out of this struggle not even smelling like the flames' smoke and were a testimony to others in their willingness to let God work and fortitude.
After this, we had a time of silent prayer or Bible reading. I was led to Daniel 9. Daniel's prayer was decidedly moving and absolutely beautiful. I pray that I can be satiated with nothing but Abba and what he desires for me with a heart that is quick to repent.
3/9/11
Recent challenges
Yesterday and today I was spiritually challenged by my colleagues here. I welcome their questions and want desperately to give them the significant time that is necessary for meditation, prayer, and growth. For now though, I have no answers and simply post the questions.
Challenge from Mike - What difference does the power and victory of the cross make in your life today?
Challenge from David T. - How important is God and the Bible in your daily life?
Challenge from Mike - What difference does the power and victory of the cross make in your life today?
Challenge from David T. - How important is God and the Bible in your daily life?
2/17/11
Eduardo & Antonio's Farewell Party
What an excellent farewell we had tonight for our dear, beloved Spaniards Antonio and Eduardo who served here for three months! Above you see pictures from our party. We had a lovely taco truck dinner, then piñata busting time, and finally a hilarious game of Pin the Tail on the Donkey. Good on ya Lea-Ann for planning and decorating for all of the delightful festivities!
2/16/11
Homework from Philippians 1:12-30
This morning I co-taught a Bible study (Alpha course) for the men here on Philippians 1:12-30. Just before ending our time together, I gave the men a bit of homework which I plan on doing myself. The assignment is to seriously reflect and honestly answer the following questions.
- What is your life philosophy OR why do you live your life the way you do?
- How can you serve others here in Betel?
- What do you practically need to do to REALLY give your best or improve personally?
- What is one things you can do to support someone or build unity here this week?
2/11/11
Noon n' Crannie LIC
Third time is the charm as today, after two failed attempts last month to get me into the store, I got acquainted with how to run one of the antique stores Betel has. This one will close at the end of March. I am so, so, so thankful to have gotten the opportunity to be out of the office, to have more people time, and to have fun with Lea-Ann, Naomi, and the tots. My favorite part of the day was our impromptu dance party when the store was slow. I am also thrilled that the little things that I moved around in the store all got noticed and some in fact actually bought. Below are some more pictures from the day.
2/8/11
Qualities I endeavor to be ...
Gentle
Humble
Patient
Servant's heart
Flexible
Works unto the Lord
Always giving my best
Faithful
Good listener
Funny
This is what I want to be; this is what I can't be without you Beloved.
Humble
Patient
Servant's heart
Flexible
Works unto the Lord
Always giving my best
Faithful
Good listener
Funny
This is what I want to be; this is what I can't be without you Beloved.
2/6/11
Untitled (Poem)
Untitled (Poem)
Written by: Amanda Kay Johnson
In the darkness the shadow appeared
calling to her, a most comforting, yet despised siren
She wrestled in the night, reminding herself of what had come before
trying to silence the siren’s pleas
And in the struggle, the lion appeared, roaring ready to devour
He was cunning, an old foe, who knew her well,
though one, more ancient, knew her better
The lion closed his mouth, for now, knowing he could lead her
the trivial trinket dangled before her, alluring, just enough
The soft, velvety paws, began to walk, drawing her from the spring
She followed him along the ridge and journeyed down, down
Each step drew her closer, yet more distant, to intended destination
The surf lapped upon the shores, wave after wave
beckoning like the deceptively gentle undertones of the lion
Purrs muddled with ebbing current, the serenading Bacchic pipes arousing
Inhibitions gone exchanged for pleasure and fantasy,
she plunged into the salty waters and drank deeply
She swam until the tide made her weary and return to the shore
There she lay, finally comatose, upon her grainy bed
The lion opened his mouth once more delighted at his fallen prey
Unable to stir or speak, the effects of the salt water, she could only but watch
He encircled, relishing her scent, sniffing with glee, taking his time to consume
Fantasy turned horror, mute, convicted and paralyzed
She could do nothing except await his impending, flesh-piercing, lacerations
Overwhelmed with desire, he leapt upon her as silent screams echoed forth
Butcher savagely, the lion thought, and yet with each vicious bite
blood and salt water surged forth from her mouth and wounds rendering healing
The lion ate without remorse consumed with hateful desire and gorged himself
Invisible before him, a new woman lay, revived and free from her saline death
Though he was deaf to her words, she thanked him for liberating her
appreciative of unintended pedagogy and renewal, returning to the spring
Written by: Amanda Kay Johnson
In the darkness the shadow appeared
calling to her, a most comforting, yet despised siren
She wrestled in the night, reminding herself of what had come before
trying to silence the siren’s pleas
And in the struggle, the lion appeared, roaring ready to devour
He was cunning, an old foe, who knew her well,
though one, more ancient, knew her better
The lion closed his mouth, for now, knowing he could lead her
the trivial trinket dangled before her, alluring, just enough
The soft, velvety paws, began to walk, drawing her from the spring
She followed him along the ridge and journeyed down, down
Each step drew her closer, yet more distant, to intended destination
The surf lapped upon the shores, wave after wave
beckoning like the deceptively gentle undertones of the lion
Purrs muddled with ebbing current, the serenading Bacchic pipes arousing
Inhibitions gone exchanged for pleasure and fantasy,
she plunged into the salty waters and drank deeply
She swam until the tide made her weary and return to the shore
There she lay, finally comatose, upon her grainy bed
The lion opened his mouth once more delighted at his fallen prey
Unable to stir or speak, the effects of the salt water, she could only but watch
He encircled, relishing her scent, sniffing with glee, taking his time to consume
Fantasy turned horror, mute, convicted and paralyzed
She could do nothing except await his impending, flesh-piercing, lacerations
Overwhelmed with desire, he leapt upon her as silent screams echoed forth
Butcher savagely, the lion thought, and yet with each vicious bite
blood and salt water surged forth from her mouth and wounds rendering healing
The lion ate without remorse consumed with hateful desire and gorged himself
Invisible before him, a new woman lay, revived and free from her saline death
Though he was deaf to her words, she thanked him for liberating her
appreciative of unintended pedagogy and renewal, returning to the spring
2/5/11
Dawn Breaks Anew
A poem for your consideration based on the life of one of the men here and upon my observations of him today and yesterday.
Dawn Breaks Anew
Dawn broke over the field,
Light piercing the blades of grass,
Like shards etched out of the ice
As graceful skater weaves seamlessly to and fro.
The cold seeped into him until he was numb
To all but his pain and the relentless lies.
He awoke.
Another day to drink his wounds away,
To forget the hateful shouts of
"I wish you were dead."
"You are the son I don't have any more.
Get out of my life!"
He ached for his pain to leave him.
Yet, it followed him, his inseparable shadow,
Wielding taunt after taunt
Until he believed the lies and they become truth.
Loser. That's all I am, he thought.
A bum for life, my wretched destiny.
And so, he took his dole and drank it away
Until hands shook without ceasing until inebriation.
Friends parted. Deception become daily reality.
"God, if you are real, why don't you help me?"
"Why AREN'T you helping me?"
"You must not be real then!"
Agony. Mental torture. Sorrow. Loss.
He consumed his fulvous pints in vicious cycle.
Stellas next. Then gum. All counterfeits to hide the shame.
Surrounded by humanity but constantly ignored.
Loneliness and falsehoods his best mates.
Nine years later. Copious love, grace, and hope gently sown.
A transformed man with a grateful heart.
Atheist turned Christian.
Cheeky but tender with those who live as he once did.
Brilliant. Renewed. Comical. Patient with distinction.
Beloved son.
A father some day soon
Writing new futures bright with ambition and purpose.
Radiating smile both now and then
Revealing the light deeply placed within.
Dawn Breaks Anew
Dawn broke over the field,
Light piercing the blades of grass,
Like shards etched out of the ice
As graceful skater weaves seamlessly to and fro.
The cold seeped into him until he was numb
To all but his pain and the relentless lies.
He awoke.
Another day to drink his wounds away,
To forget the hateful shouts of
"I wish you were dead."
"You are the son I don't have any more.
Get out of my life!"
He ached for his pain to leave him.
Yet, it followed him, his inseparable shadow,
Wielding taunt after taunt
Until he believed the lies and they become truth.
Loser. That's all I am, he thought.
A bum for life, my wretched destiny.
And so, he took his dole and drank it away
Until hands shook without ceasing until inebriation.
Friends parted. Deception become daily reality.
"God, if you are real, why don't you help me?"
"Why AREN'T you helping me?"
"You must not be real then!"
Agony. Mental torture. Sorrow. Loss.
He consumed his fulvous pints in vicious cycle.
Stellas next. Then gum. All counterfeits to hide the shame.
Surrounded by humanity but constantly ignored.
Loneliness and falsehoods his best mates.
Nine years later. Copious love, grace, and hope gently sown.
A transformed man with a grateful heart.
Atheist turned Christian.
Cheeky but tender with those who live as he once did.
Brilliant. Renewed. Comical. Patient with distinction.
Beloved son.
A father some day soon
Writing new futures bright with ambition and purpose.
Radiating smile both now and then
Revealing the light deeply placed within.
2/3/11
Exercising Encouragement
Encouraging the staff today with texts. I really want to use my gifts here and know that I am encourager. Some days you need it here more than others too. So far, all is well.
1/27/11
Dismissed
Today has been excruciating to bear, mostly in my inner emotionality. I have been wrestling with my feelings and thoughts. I feel dismissed by others here, unintentionally excluded at times, like at lunch today. I don't know when the others ate, but I completely missed sharing the company of the men here and the meal by at least 30 minutes. I am sure it was unintentional, but it left me feeling like I didn't even exist to them. I loathe that feeling!
Perhaps part of my turmoil was a spiritual attack. I know I asked close friends to pray for me and felt peace suddenly rush over me a few times during my day. I attribute it to their prayers. In my grief and possibly mad anguish, I too prayed believing that God in all his forms was with me while simultaneously fighting feelings of being forsaken. I felt unexplainably vulnerable, weak, unimportant, rejected, and forgotten. All the words to explain things seemed to escape my mind and vocabulary as of yesterday.
I have had one co-laborer upon my mind greatly. My interactions thus far with him have been diametrically opposed depending on his mood it seems. Yet, for my work, I realize more and more how dependent I am upon him. I am afraid to speak with him because I don't want to catch him in a bad mood or on a day when he simply refuses to help me. I do not feel fully supported by him nor do I feel that he understands how integral our roles are to one another. Part of the breakdown I attribute to miscommunication and cultural differences. His sense of humor is the kind that most easily flies over my head and initially sounds somewhat offensive. I need much wisdom in knowing how to be graceful to him AND be certain that he understands what I need and is supportive in practical, tangible ways.
Additionally, I feel that the problems detailed above are somewhat the same with others here. I struggle to find my voice and have it be heard, really listened to, and most importantly understood. The dynamic of 20 men more or less and two women who must maintain somewhat distance is abnormal to me and also having negative effects. I spend most of my days thus far, alone, indoors in a cold office, doing important tasks that nobody else seems to want to do and that are completely off the radar for most here which leaves me feeling that my role here is not valued. I know the structure here is needed for the men who come from backgrounds including broken homes, alcoholism, and heavy drug addiction; for me however, the structure is somewhat stifling and borders on legalism which I have to naturally fight off in my own personal life. It seeks to crush the giftings and creativity that God endowed me with. And, it is highly frustrating to continually ask for the same things over and over (which are out of my control) only to meet fruitless results with little to no results. I knew I would need to be patient and make any changes slowly, but doing both at this moment leaves me incapacitated. I desperately need the person who would most naturally mentor and guide me in my role to physically return to Betel as well. Seriously, Lord, help me.
Perhaps part of my turmoil was a spiritual attack. I know I asked close friends to pray for me and felt peace suddenly rush over me a few times during my day. I attribute it to their prayers. In my grief and possibly mad anguish, I too prayed believing that God in all his forms was with me while simultaneously fighting feelings of being forsaken. I felt unexplainably vulnerable, weak, unimportant, rejected, and forgotten. All the words to explain things seemed to escape my mind and vocabulary as of yesterday.
I have had one co-laborer upon my mind greatly. My interactions thus far with him have been diametrically opposed depending on his mood it seems. Yet, for my work, I realize more and more how dependent I am upon him. I am afraid to speak with him because I don't want to catch him in a bad mood or on a day when he simply refuses to help me. I do not feel fully supported by him nor do I feel that he understands how integral our roles are to one another. Part of the breakdown I attribute to miscommunication and cultural differences. His sense of humor is the kind that most easily flies over my head and initially sounds somewhat offensive. I need much wisdom in knowing how to be graceful to him AND be certain that he understands what I need and is supportive in practical, tangible ways.
Additionally, I feel that the problems detailed above are somewhat the same with others here. I struggle to find my voice and have it be heard, really listened to, and most importantly understood. The dynamic of 20 men more or less and two women who must maintain somewhat distance is abnormal to me and also having negative effects. I spend most of my days thus far, alone, indoors in a cold office, doing important tasks that nobody else seems to want to do and that are completely off the radar for most here which leaves me feeling that my role here is not valued. I know the structure here is needed for the men who come from backgrounds including broken homes, alcoholism, and heavy drug addiction; for me however, the structure is somewhat stifling and borders on legalism which I have to naturally fight off in my own personal life. It seeks to crush the giftings and creativity that God endowed me with. And, it is highly frustrating to continually ask for the same things over and over (which are out of my control) only to meet fruitless results with little to no results. I knew I would need to be patient and make any changes slowly, but doing both at this moment leaves me incapacitated. I desperately need the person who would most naturally mentor and guide me in my role to physically return to Betel as well. Seriously, Lord, help me.
Neo Psalm
Neo Psalm
Written: 27 Jan 2011
Oh Lord, I cry out to you
My spirit calls out to you
like the cascades of the rushing waterfall
Pain spills forth
Struggling thoughts
Words evaporating from my mind
Indescribable Elusive
Journeying forward, not aimlessly,
but with the path before me only in darkness
Light penetrating Aid coming forth
This will not be the last time
This is only the next time
Fighting to see truth
and not believe lies
Written: 27 Jan 2011
Oh Lord, I cry out to you
My spirit calls out to you
like the cascades of the rushing waterfall
Pain spills forth
Struggling thoughts
Words evaporating from my mind
Indescribable Elusive
Journeying forward, not aimlessly,
but with the path before me only in darkness
Light penetrating Aid coming forth
This will not be the last time
This is only the next time
Fighting to see truth
and not believe lies
1/25/11
Thinking in Spanish
I spent 80% or more of my day talking in Spanish with Eduardo. I can tell that I am beginning to think in Spanish. That's a good sign. I am able to string more words together to make longer sentences. My conjugation still definitely needs improvement however. I am glad that he has helped me practice and encouraged me along the way. He will truly be missed when he returns to Spain in about two weeks.
1/22/11
Spiritual Acupunture
Growing spiritual, difficult week. Compare my growth to acupuncture. Pain at first. Hits specific spots. Then release and growth, healing.
1/16/11
A day for patience
1/16/10
Today is a day for learning and growing in patience. This morning I got to spend several hours with my new friend Ms. L during the Betel church service, during lunch, and afterwards in a lengthy talk. I mostly listened while Ms. L shared with me her beliefs in God, showed me nearly 300 pictures of her family, her ceramics, her home, and her lovely, treasured garden. She believes that nature is God which is understandable since she was raised in Armenia during Soviet rule and while living there was an educational psychologist and scientist. She is also a philosopher and deep thinker. I am deeply thankful that in the very brief time that I have known her that she has chosen to trust me and share her thoughts despite her somewhat intense struggles conveying her intelligent thoughts with the English language. I am reminded of my great-grandmother when I'm with her and am in awe that my kindness (from God) has already touched her immensely; it is truly a blessing from the Lord.
Aside from my interactions with Ms. L, I was reminded that I am going to have to be greatly be patient with the men in the program here. I have been proactive to try and prevent things like ink running out of the printer and taking steps to get (very necessary) spare keys made. I know my requests haven't fallen on deaf ears, yet, these two requests and others have yet to be fulfilled for various reasons. I don't write this to criticize anyone; it is here as a reminder/challenge to myself to be gentle, patient, and supportive throughout my internship with Betel.
I am enjoying growing in patience as I help Eduardo practice his English and he helps me practice my Spanish. Eduardo says that my Spanish is good, but he's being extremely gracious. It's improving as I use it more and more, but I certainly wouldn't call it good. Today he asked me to read and translate some Spanish songs. There were some things I didn't know, but he helped me I was able to translate it all. We also talked about life in Europe compared to here and Muslim culture. Little by little I'm hoping to become fluent.
Lastly, tonight is a part of me growing in patience. At dinner, an old friend (formerly very close friend) purposefully antagonized me despite multiple attempts and requests to get him to stop interrupting another friend from telling stories of his recent music tour. As I write now, my heart feels sad about it. There are feelings and thoughts that I couldn't express to him. I said that I forgave him, but my heart is battling hanging onto the anger that wants to stay within. We disagree on key points of tonight's interaction. We haven't been close in so long, and I've recently been personally reminded of the pain and loss of our close friendship.
Today is a day for learning and growing in patience. This morning I got to spend several hours with my new friend Ms. L during the Betel church service, during lunch, and afterwards in a lengthy talk. I mostly listened while Ms. L shared with me her beliefs in God, showed me nearly 300 pictures of her family, her ceramics, her home, and her lovely, treasured garden. She believes that nature is God which is understandable since she was raised in Armenia during Soviet rule and while living there was an educational psychologist and scientist. She is also a philosopher and deep thinker. I am deeply thankful that in the very brief time that I have known her that she has chosen to trust me and share her thoughts despite her somewhat intense struggles conveying her intelligent thoughts with the English language. I am reminded of my great-grandmother when I'm with her and am in awe that my kindness (from God) has already touched her immensely; it is truly a blessing from the Lord.
Aside from my interactions with Ms. L, I was reminded that I am going to have to be greatly be patient with the men in the program here. I have been proactive to try and prevent things like ink running out of the printer and taking steps to get (very necessary) spare keys made. I know my requests haven't fallen on deaf ears, yet, these two requests and others have yet to be fulfilled for various reasons. I don't write this to criticize anyone; it is here as a reminder/challenge to myself to be gentle, patient, and supportive throughout my internship with Betel.
I am enjoying growing in patience as I help Eduardo practice his English and he helps me practice my Spanish. Eduardo says that my Spanish is good, but he's being extremely gracious. It's improving as I use it more and more, but I certainly wouldn't call it good. Today he asked me to read and translate some Spanish songs. There were some things I didn't know, but he helped me I was able to translate it all. We also talked about life in Europe compared to here and Muslim culture. Little by little I'm hoping to become fluent.
Lastly, tonight is a part of me growing in patience. At dinner, an old friend (formerly very close friend) purposefully antagonized me despite multiple attempts and requests to get him to stop interrupting another friend from telling stories of his recent music tour. As I write now, my heart feels sad about it. There are feelings and thoughts that I couldn't express to him. I said that I forgave him, but my heart is battling hanging onto the anger that wants to stay within. We disagree on key points of tonight's interaction. We haven't been close in so long, and I've recently been personally reminded of the pain and loss of our close friendship.
1/15/11
1/13/11
Anniversary of Haitian Earquake
This morning is the anniversary of the Haiti earthquake a year ago. I am very mindful of it having visited Haiti, having flown into Port-au-Prince, having seen the president's house in the summer of 2008. I am reminded of how people helped others during that tragic time and how some only survived because of that aid. That is in a sense is what Betel does. With these thoughts in mind, I will spend the day working on the accounting.
1/12/11
The presence of God
This morning I first woke up around 5 am or so and noticeably felt God's presence in my apartment. I went back to sleep for a few more hours to awake again at around 8:30 am and spent some time reading my Bible. I have been reading through Mark for some time and was up to Mark 12:18-44. I was really gripped with verses 28-31 and the practicality of living out scripture. Later that morning during our Betel church service, God used two other people here to speak the same conviction to my heart. My prayer (beginning this morning) is that I don't just read scripture but live it out to the best of my ability in Christ, obeying the commands of God. I am thankful to feel that God is truly here with me and pray that his presence is noticeably felt among everyone here at Betel of America.
"One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"
"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these." - Mark 12:28-31
"One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"
"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these." - Mark 12:28-31
1/11/11
Lea-Ann
I smile often here at Betel. One of the things that make me smile frequently inside and out is my new British housemate, Lea-Ann. I am thankful that she wants to get to know me, makes time for me, and is such a fun person to be around. Tonight we talked at length (again, HALLELUJAH Jesus!) and watched some of the Travolta version of Hairspray. During our talk and the movie, I stopped to inwardly thank God and appreciate this delightful gift of a person to me. Naturally, I smiled again! I continue to look forward to getting to know her more as I serve here.
Heart's desire
Today, I am working in the office. My heart's desire/goal is to work with excellence to the glory of God. I will begin going through the financial records and doing some accounting. I also have created a new system for receipts and have put it in place. It still needs to be explained to the men here.
1/10/11
Psalm 25
I woke up this morning with a desire on my heart to share Psalm 25 with the men of Betel. So, I went down to the morning devotional and shared it. It was a source of comfort and hope to me many times last year as I endured numerous struggles. Aside from sharing it directly, I told the guys that.
Psalm 25
Unto you, O Lord, do I bring my life. O my God, I trust, lean on, rely on, and am confident in You. Let me not be put to shame or [my hope in You] be disappointed; let not my enemies triumph over me. Yes, let none who trust and wait hopefully and look for You be put to shame or be disappointed; let them be ashamed who forsake the right or deal treacherously without cause. Show me Your ways, O Lord; teach me Your paths. Guide me in Your truth and faithfulness and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You [You only and altogether] do I wait [expectantly] all the day long.Remember, O Lord, Your tender mercy and loving-kindness; for they have been ever from of old. Remember not the sins (the lapses and frailties) of my youth or my transgressions; according to Your mercy and steadfast love remember me, for Your goodness' sake, O Lord. Good and upright is the Lord; therefore will He instruct sinners in [His] way. He leads the humble in what is right, and the humble He teaches His way. All the paths of the Lord are mercy and steadfast love, even truth and faithfulness are they for those who keep His covenant and His testimonies. For Your name's sake, O Lord, pardon my iniquity and my guilt, for [they are] great.
Who is the man who reverently fears and worships the Lord? Him shall He teach in the way that he should choose. He himself shall dwell at ease, and his offspring shall inherit the land. The secret [of the sweet, satisfying companionship] of the Lord have they who fear (revere and worship) Him, and He will show them His covenant and reveal to them its [deep, inner] meaning. My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for He will pluck my feet out of the net.
[Lord] turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are multiplied; bring me out of my distresses. Behold my affliction and my pain and forgive all my sins [of thinking and doing]. Consider my enemies, for they abound; they hate me with cruel hatred. O keep me, Lord, and deliver me; let me not be ashamed or disappointed, for my trust and my refuge are in You. Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for and expect You. Redeem Israel, O God, out of all their troubles.
Behind the scenes
Please keep myself and Betel of America in your prayers. Working hard here in the office behind the scenes to improve organization. Lots to do and desire to see Christ set people free here! Psalm 25. Share that chapter this morning as it has been on my heart for Betel since shortly after I arrived.
1/9/11
Settling in ...
Unpacked and organized my stuff some this afternoon. Haven't had time till today. Still so sad that my irreplaceable, personal belongings mailed from south Georgia while with my mom during Christmas are arriving in NYC in such a looks-like-a-car-ran-over-them state! Have yet to have some stuff arrive too. Hard not be overly concerned, so I keep praying that God will protect them and that they will arrive SAFELY. In all of this, I feel that God desires to teach me greater trust in him.
1/8/11
Don't Walk By: UWS
Tonight was the first Don't Walk By of 2011. The zone this week was the Upper West Side, an area know for old money and not many homeless people. There is a fabulous church in this zone that welcomes and serves those who are homeless and/or struggling in the area. It is called All Angels Church. Through the outreach, Betel now has one new man in the program. Pictured above are photos and video from this evening. Photo credits (except for last two and video) go to Caitlin Stiefel and Juan Galloway.
The numbers for tonight are as follows:
Volunteers - 240
Homeless engaged on the street - 99
Hosted at anchor church - 55
Assessed by Resource/Medical teams - 26
Transported to bed - 12
Transported to hospital - 2
Transported to detox - 1
Food Pantry
Betel of America has a food pantry for the community that is open on Saturdays. Today was the first one since before the Christmas holidays. I met the woman in the picture this morning. I am going to call her Ms. L. She is from Armenia and knows limited English but is highly intelligent and highly schooled. I pray that she will return and will be keeping her in my prayers.
1/7/11
My first week
Spent the past work week cleaning up and organizing the Betel office. I am concerned that one of the men here is going to leave soon. As such, I've spent much time in intercession for him and the other men here. I really believe one the greatest support roles I will have here is that of an intercessor behind the scenes. For all that God almighty wants to do, I am confident that Satan wants to be uber destructive.
I also spent some time in preparation and planning for Don't Walk By which begins on Saturday. I am REALLY excited about my third year with DWB and my new role due to my internship!
I also spent some time in preparation and planning for Don't Walk By which begins on Saturday. I am REALLY excited about my third year with DWB and my new role due to my internship!
1/6/11
My weekend plans
Going to be busy this weekend. First Betel community church service on Fri eve. Don't Walk By starts on Sat. My third year! Love this outreach to those who are homeless in NYC. Hope some will come into Betel through DWB. Then Sun eve, it's time with my friends and family at Trinity Grace Church in Chelsea.
1/3/11
Spanish exchange
Still loving Betel and getting to use my Spanish here. I have agreed to help two guys here learn English in exchange for Spanish lessons. Lovely!
1/2/11
What is Betel?
Q: So, what is Betel and more specifically Betel of America exactly?
A: Betel started in the 1980's in Spain in part by Elliot Tepper and his wife. Their son David Tepper and wife Naomi currently run Betel of America. The organization is international and is currently in roughly 20 countries. It is also a part of WEC International, a global missions organization. Betel of America has existed in New York City since 1995 beginning in Brooklyn and then moving to Queens. The current location in Astoria can house and rehabilitate 30 men, and the site itself has been utilized by Betel since 2000. When men enter Betel of America they are encouraged to abide for 12-18 months but are free to leave at any time. It is a free program funded by housing clearances, sales of metal and precious jewels, gifts from churches and generous folks, and sales of furniture and antique goods in Nook n' Crannie.
Q: Where does the name "Betel" come from?
A: Betel is the Spanish form of the word "Bethel." The name is taken from Genesis 28:16-17, and 19. In those verses Jacob says the following:
"Surely the Lord is in this place; and I knew it not ... How awesome is this place! This is none other than the House of God, and this is the gate of Heaven ... And he called the name of that place Bethel."
Q: What makes Betel distinct from other Christian rehab programs or ministries?
A: There are 10 distinct differences between this program and others. These distinctions are taken from Elliot Tepper's A Profile of a Peculiar People: The 10 Distinctives of Betel. They as follows:
1 - We are a desperate people helping desperate people, particularly the addicts, the alcoholics, and the marginalized (prostitutes and homeless).
2 - We are a church planting ministry.
3 - Our rehab communities are peer-driven and peer-led.
4 - We take great risks with risky people by entrusting them with responsibility both in jobs and ministry.
5 - We place special emphasis on the cross and its resurrection power and victory in our daily lives and tasks.
6 - We are a Great Commission people who have birthed new churches and send out missionaries.
7 - We believe that the Gospel restores not just the individual but the whole family.
8 - We believe that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever (Hebrews 13:8).
9 - Betel works and is free.
10 - Betel is a calling for some and a place to rest and to heal for others.
A: Betel started in the 1980's in Spain in part by Elliot Tepper and his wife. Their son David Tepper and wife Naomi currently run Betel of America. The organization is international and is currently in roughly 20 countries. It is also a part of WEC International, a global missions organization. Betel of America has existed in New York City since 1995 beginning in Brooklyn and then moving to Queens. The current location in Astoria can house and rehabilitate 30 men, and the site itself has been utilized by Betel since 2000. When men enter Betel of America they are encouraged to abide for 12-18 months but are free to leave at any time. It is a free program funded by housing clearances, sales of metal and precious jewels, gifts from churches and generous folks, and sales of furniture and antique goods in Nook n' Crannie.
Q: Where does the name "Betel" come from?
A: Betel is the Spanish form of the word "Bethel." The name is taken from Genesis 28:16-17, and 19. In those verses Jacob says the following:
"Surely the Lord is in this place; and I knew it not ... How awesome is this place! This is none other than the House of God, and this is the gate of Heaven ... And he called the name of that place Bethel."
Q: What makes Betel distinct from other Christian rehab programs or ministries?
A: There are 10 distinct differences between this program and others. These distinctions are taken from Elliot Tepper's A Profile of a Peculiar People: The 10 Distinctives of Betel. They as follows:
1 - We are a desperate people helping desperate people, particularly the addicts, the alcoholics, and the marginalized (prostitutes and homeless).
2 - We are a church planting ministry.
3 - Our rehab communities are peer-driven and peer-led.
4 - We take great risks with risky people by entrusting them with responsibility both in jobs and ministry.
5 - We place special emphasis on the cross and its resurrection power and victory in our daily lives and tasks.
6 - We are a Great Commission people who have birthed new churches and send out missionaries.
7 - We believe that the Gospel restores not just the individual but the whole family.
8 - We believe that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever (Hebrews 13:8).
9 - Betel works and is free.
10 - Betel is a calling for some and a place to rest and to heal for others.
1/1/11
Beginning with Betel
Beginning with Betel (of America). That is how I'm starting off my 2011. In the very brief time I've been here, I am already LOVING my new home in Astoria. Thank you (literally) Jesus! :) I needed a fresh and joyful start, and that is exactly what you have given me. I've already laughed so much today and been at peace with this new internship. Still lots to be figured out as far as the exact nature of my role, but I will be using my gifts of organization and structure immediately as we all await the return of the Tepper family, the leaders of this Christian rehab community.
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